You know me.

You know me.
You know me inside and out
Chief of sinners, I am.
The world falls for my presentation of perfection.
They are immune to the stench of my rottenness.
Blind to the ugliness of my character.
Deceived by the pleasantness of my countenance.
But God, You know me…
And it baffles me that despite this, you love me the most.

…He knew all people [and understood the superficiality and fickleness of human nature], and He did not need anyone to testify concerning man [and human nature], for He Himself knew what was in man [in their hearts–in the very core of their being].”

John 2:24-25 AMP

I was going through my archives and i found this… it's still relevant.

Fys, Teni x



For many, the existence of pain and suffering extinguishes the possibility of God. For others the existence of pain and suffering, means that even if there was a God, he isn’t good, loving or kind. These people want nothing to do with a God who can be so cruel to stand by and allow evil to occur in the world.

The Human experience is filled with pain and troubles. It’s inevitable. If you’re human you’ve felt pain at some point in your life. On the news we hear reports of Hurricanes, Terrorist attacks, murders, rape… The immediate question on the lips of many is ‘where was God? Why would he allow this?’

Why would a loving God allow so much suffering and pain?

God’s Reasons.

‘My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.’

James 1:2-4 (NKJV)

‘For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways…

Isaiah 55:8 (NKJV)

As painful as our sufferings are, as excruciating as they may be; God has a greater plan far beyond our wildest imagination. Trust me, i know! You’re probably thinking ‘what kind of answer is that? Why do i have to suffer for reasons i’m not even aware of?’

Recently I went through a difficult situation and knowing these two scriptures I’d wake up everyday literally like ‘okay God! I see what you’re doing, this is to teach me humility right?! Wow, great I got it! God, can you please, please make it end now?

It’s funny because each day I’d come up with something new, I felt God was trying to teach me. I got frustrated however because it never got resolved how and when I wanted it to. It’s a hard fact, we all have plans but ultimately God’s ways are not our ways neither are his plans.

When we’ve prayed and pleaded with God about an issue; we can get to a stage where it’s easy to state that God doesn’t hear, care or even that he isn’t there. But when we take the story of Joseph we see that God had a greater plan for Joseph. His years of suffering and pain had simply moulded him and refined him into the man that God wanted him to be.

I’m sure you can identify that despite the fact that you wish you hadn’t gone through certain situations, at the end of it, there’s a maturity and a lesson. This is where we find ourselves saying if not for this situation, I wouldn’t be the person I am today.

So this is God’s reasons, though you can’t see or understand it at the moment! Count it all Joy that God has his greater reasons that will ultimately work out for your good.

For some, you can’t relate or even accept this as an answer. There’s too much pain, loss and heartache. You haven’t or can’t see how your sufferings can ever turn out for your good.

Thankfully, for this we have Jesus Christ and the Cross.

The Suffering of Jesus Christ

‘For God made Christ, who never sinned, to be the offering for our sin, so that we could be made right with God through Christ.’

2 Corinthians 5:21 (NLT)

‘This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do…’

Hebrews 4:15 (NLT)

A martyr is defined as someone who suffers much or is killed because of their religious beliefs. In many accounts these martyrs unwaveringly and boldly proclaim their faith up until their dying breath. These martyrs become aspirations for believers on how to behave in times of persecution.

Jesus, however at the hour of death was shaken and troubled with grief, ‘My soul is exceeding sorrowful unto death:’. Jesus pleaded with the father for a way out, ‘O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me:’. I think one thing that people overlook is the fact that Jesus became flesh! He felt every single whip, cut, pain! He felt it all. Jesus actually Suffered.

At the cross, Jesus doesn’t shout confident words as stoic martyrs wouldBottom of Form. At the point of death Jesus cries out to God , ‘my God why have you forsaken me?’.

“The cry has a ruthless authenticity…Jesus did not die renouncing God.  Even in the inferno of abandonment he did not surrender his faith in God but expressed his anguished prayer in a cry of affirmation. “My God, my God.’” Jesus  still uses the language of intimacy – “my God” – even as he experiences infinite separation from the Father.“

This is the suffering of God. As His child cried out to him for a way out, God had to let it happen- because of us. Jesus Christ had to be the offering for our sins.

Yes, It doesn’t explain why there is suffering in the world, but it answers thisJust because there is suffering in the world doesn’t mean God doesn’t love us.Instead, God uses the cross to comfort us and help us face the troubles and pain of this world. In that we have a God who has felt pain as we have felt, who has cried as we have cried, who has pleaded as we plead in times of adversities. It’s actually beautiful. God is with us in our pain. When we cry, he doesn’t scowl or frown at our weakness. Instead he embraces us; because he understands.

This is shown beautifully in the story of Mary and Lazarus.

When Mary came to Jesus and saw Him, she fell at His feet and said, “Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died.” When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, He was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. “Where have you laid him?” He asked.“Come and see, Lord,” they answered.

Jesus wept.

John 11:32-35 (NIV)

As soon as Mary sees Jesus, she asks the immediate question of many in times of trouble, ‘Where was God?’ – if God had been here this wouldn’t have happened.

Jesus rather than scowling at her lack of faith, ‘saw her weeping.. and was deeply moved’. Jesus cared, he understood the pain that she felt that he even cried with her! God understands and he’s with us every step of the way.

Suffering is such a fragile topic because it happens in different heights daily. If you’re reading this and you’ve been through or are going through an agonizing situation and pain; despite your situation, God still loves you. And he’s there, in the midst of it working it out for your good.

I know sometimes people want you to stay strong, keep a stoic demeanour.But actually it’s okay to cry, cry unto God because he’s there and he understands. He isn’t scowling or frowning at us when we cry. Rather, he’s with us deeply moved and troubled. This is our assurance – we have a God who can sympathize with our pain.

So Take heart and remember,

Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning’.

Psalm 30:5 (NLT)

Fys, Teni x


All my days on earth…

‘All my days on earth I will await
The moment that I see You face to face
Nothing in this world can satisfy
‘Cause Jesus You’re the cup that won’t run dry

Israel & New Breed – Your Presence Is Heaven

In awe of you.



Fys,Teni x

Looking unto Jesus.

“Man became a lost sinner by a look, for the first thing recorded of Eve in connection with the fall of our first parents is that “The woman saw that the tree was good for food” (Gen. 3:6). In like manner, the lost sinner is saved by a look. The Christian life begins by looking: “Look unto me, and be ye saved, all the ends of the earth: for I am God, and there is none else” (Isa. 45:22). The Christian life continues by looking: “Let us run with patience the race which is set before us, looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of faith” (Heb. 12:2). And at the end of the Christian life we’re still to be looking for Christ: “For our conversation (citizenship) is in heaven; from whence also we look for the Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ” (Phil. 3:20). From first to last, the one thing required is looking at God’s Son.”

FYS, Teni x

Love is Action.

In every Human being there’s an innate desire to Love and to be loved. When love is void from an early age, it leads to a lot of distinctive issues later on in life. You’ll find that for some people they desperately want to be loved so they stay in abusive relationships. Others because of past experiences harden their hearts and reject love; pushing away anyone that tries to get close. You might be thinking – I don’t really see myself in any of these examples. But think on it, what do you desire? What is your ultimate goal in life?

For those who experienced love in early stages of their lives, their desires could be towards more subtle things deemed as the norm – finding satisfaction in money, women, cars, houses…

Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the pride of life, is not of the Father but is of the world.’

1 John 2:15-16 KJV

It’s easy to love the things of the world because essentially we need certain things to survive. But Jesus says,

‘…Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment.’

Matthew 22:37-38 KJV

This verse is literally what is says. To Love God with EVERYTHING! With all of you, no boundaries.

So how exactly do i do this?

God’s Love for us is shown in him sending his only Son to die for our sins (1 john 4:10, John 3:16, Romans 5:8).

You can’t say you love God and do nothing for God. It’s this simple. Love gives back. Love is about doing. Its love that leads missionaries to lay down their lives for the sake of the gospel, its love that drives people to sacrifice their dreams and plans for the sake of pleasing God. It’s all Love – love causes you to do! It isn’t stagnant. An individual that truly loves God will say I have to give up pornography, I have to give up fornication, and I have to give up this TV show because it isn’t pleasing to God.

‘If ye love me, keep my commandments.’ John 14:15

When you love someone you want to do everything to please that person, to make that person happy with you. This is Love – Love drives you to do. And Jesus clearly states

‘He that hath my commandments, and KEEPETH them, he it is that loveth me:’

John 14:21 KJV

Whoever KEEPS! There’s a difference between knowing God’s commandments and actually keeping and doing them. The psalmist says “Thy word have I hid in my heart that I may not sin against you.” Psalm 119:11 KJV

 This is Love! I have hidden your words in my heart, meditated on them so that I may always please you, always love you.

Love is a constant cycle of action. When we obey God’s commandments it’s an affirmation of our love and God acts on this by rewarding us even more.

The Bible says,

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:28 KJV

He is truly an AMAZING and LOVING God!

But God already loves me anyway right?

…If a man love me, he will keep my words: and my Father will love him, and we will come unto him, and make our abode with him.’ John 14:23 KJV

If you’re like me reading this scripture; you might question ‘hmm okay so does that mean God doesn’t love me if I don’t keep his words and obey him? But the bible says God loves us even when were sinners, so what does this mean?’

The first time I ever studied this scripture that was the first question that popped in my mind. I was trying so hard to ignore the question, I just wanted to run with ‘yea if I obey God he’ll abide with me.’

But it was a nagging question that thankfully the Holy Spirit answered. With any parent and child relationship there’s love. The parent loves the child unquestionably. However, this doesn’t mean that the parent is pleased with the child, but the love is still there.

On the other hand when that child pleases the parent they love the child even more and want to bless that child even more. Reflect on your relationship with people you see as a parent or father figure. When you do well in an exam or make them proud in some shape or form. They boast about you! They shower you with love and gifts.

This is the same with God. When we obey his commandments – he blesses us, loves us and gives us more of him.

Hence there’s no questioning that God loves us, but when we love God he abides with us. You only spend time with someone who also loves you, so as you love God more he reveals more of himself to you and with this also comes blessings.

I don’t love God.

For certain believers this is the hardest but truest statement. I’ve personally been there a lot of times.

If you’re a Christian that evangelizes, counsels and constantly raises the banner of ‘for God so loved the world’; ask yourself if you truly believe that God doesn’t just love the world but loves YOU. You as a person, you with all your flaws.

Jesus says in John 15:9 ‘As the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you’. Do you personally believe this?

If you don’t – if you don’t have that personal conviction, that personal revelation that God loves ‘ME’ then you can’t love God. For some, you’re used to feeling and seeing the object of your affections, so although you are a solid Christian, your relationship with God is very shallow and insubstantial as you constantly wait for God to appear to you and prove that he is real.

But the bible says ‘without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is….’ (Hebrews 11:6)

Christianity cannot be forced. Love can’t be forced. Earlier on in my Christian walk I realized I didn’t love God because I felt unlovable – I couldn’t fathom the idea that someone sent his only SON to die for me. It sounded too good to be true. But it’s exactly what it is! It’s too good! But, it is the truth. His love is undeserving, immeasurable and completely incomprehensible. So here’s a prayer for you.

 That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man;

 That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love,

 May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height;

And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God.

Ephesians 3:16-19 KJV

For the Holy Spirit to reveal unto us the unfathomable Love of Christ. This is a continuous prayer for everyone, for those who have grasped the Love of God and for those who are still on that journey. Our hearts are prone to wander and desire other things. Christianity is a relationship. May we be rooted and grounded in our love for God and may he give us grace and strength in the inner man that we may continually obey his commandments.

This is our goal – to love God wholeheartedly, constantly, till we finish the good race and dwell with HIM in eternity. 


FYS, Teni x

Come, Thou Fount of every blessing.

Come, Thou Fount of every blessing,
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
Sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I’m fixed upon it,
Mount of Thy redeeming love.

Sorrowing I shall be in spirit,
Till released from flesh and sin,
Yet from what I do inherit,
Here Thy praises I’ll begin;
Here I raise my Ebenezer;
Here by Thy great help I’ve come;
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.

Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood;
How His kindness yet pursues me
Mortal tongue can never tell,
Clothed in flesh, till death shall loose me
I cannot proclaim it well.

O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.

O that day when freed from sinning,
I shall see Thy lovely face;
Clothed then in blood washed linen
How I’ll sing Thy sovereign grace;
Come, my Lord, no longer tarry,
Take my ransomed soul away;
Send thine angels now to carry
Me to realms of endless day.

-Robert Robinson

Fys,Teni x

Chief of Sinners Though I Be


Chief of sinners though I be,
Jesus shed His blood for me;
Died that I might live on high,
Lived that I might never die,
As the branch is to the vine,
I am His, and He is mine.

Oh, the height of Jesus’ love!
Higher than the heavens above,
Deeper than the depths of sea,
Lasting as eternity.
Love that found me–wondrous thought!–
Found me when I sought Him not.

Jesus only can impart
Balm to heal the smitten heart;
Peace that flows from sin forgiven,
Joy that lifts the soul to heaven;
Faith and hope to walk with God
In the way that Enoch trod.

Chief of sinner though I be,
Christ is All in all to me;
All my wants to Him are known,
All my sorrows are His own.
Safe with Him from earthly strife,
He sustains the hidden life.

O my Savior, help afford
By Thy Spirit and Thy Word!
When my wayward heart would stray,
Keep me in the narrow way;
Grace in time of need supply
While I live and when I die.

– William McComb





Let God

And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.

Philippians 1:6 (NLT)

I read the first chapter of Genesis this morning and as usual one thing that was repetitive is the statement ‘God said’. Today however the Holy Spirit was showing me a different light to this passage. God is the ultimate creator; with the power of His words, He was able to make wonderful creations like the birds in the sky, the sky itself and even form man brilliantly in His own image.

Personally speaking, I know I’m un- worthy to be called and used by God. Unfortunately, I’ve seen people that feel that because they are unworthy they can’t work for God. As the bible says he that has begun a good work in you will surely finish it. God has started His amazing work in you, he has spoken his words over you. If he can make the sky and the sea out of nothing, if he can craft beautiful creatures out of absolutely nothing, what more you? In your unworthy, undeserving, insignificant state, don’t you think God has the wisdom and the power to make something beautiful out of you?

Breathe, God has it all under control. In your nothingness he’s crafting something beautiful so don’t run away from him, let Him finish His work in you.

Fys, Teni x

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