My sin
My deepest pain
The sin I gained
Repent again
But my mind is a tangle of repetitive Blame

My greatest sin
Isn’t that sin
Those sins were nailed at the Cross
Buried by the deepest pain

The ignorance of forgetting
Covering the price that was paid
By retreating cowardly in the dark hallways of my mind

So I hide from His face
Making the same mistake Eve once made
My greatest sin is self

I reject myself from the blame
Covering myself in shame
And like Adam blamed
I focus on blaming another

But true repentance is acknowledgment
Ensuring no separateness
Coming to Him
Focusing only on the Cross
And in my filthiness
In all my weakness
His presence overwhelms my fall

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Lately I’ve come to realize certain things about myself. The greatest thing that I tend to fall into over and over again is cowering in shame. I forget my focus. When I sin, I carry such a heavy burden that it hinders me from coming to my God. I get so focused on that imperfect aspect of myself that I lose that connection. I worry so much about what He thinks and I completely forget what He said. I do this so much even with people close to me. I push away so I can try to get that aspect of imperfection to perfection. But there is nothing like perfect in our nature. We make a plan to get ourselves in a perfect state before we come to Him. Trust me with this mindset you will never get to the state in which you feel you are perfect enough. It will always be a losing battle. He died for us in our most imperfect state. Surely when we call and cry out to him in our weakness he won’t turn us away. One way of ignorantly thinking is to assume that he doesn’t know or isn’t aware. He wants us to be genuine, opening up every thought to his impartation. After sin what keeps us away from His presence is Self. Like Adam and Eve who hid when they had sinned; we tend to hide ourselves from God in an attempt to hide our sins. But we are redeemed through Christ. Remembering this and focusing on the cross pushing everything else away let’s come as we are; let’s not hinder our approach to his presence. Cry out and you shall surely be heard.

FYS, Teni x

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